As the dust settles from the whirlwind that hit our family
in the fall, I feel compelled to write out and document our testimony of the
Lord’s faithfulness and all He has done for us this past three months. Since my time for writing is so limited right
now, I am not able to think through writing this, nor write with orderliness
and well-articulated eloquence! : -) It
will definitely look more like rambling with lots of grammatical errors! But I really wanted to just write from my
heart for our family’s journal, and at least get what I could down in print so
that we will never forget this journey the Lord has taken us on for our good
and His glory! (Chances are your time
will be limited in the reading of the entire post anyway, and I completely
understand that! : -)
Three months ago, on a very stormy night in mid-October, our
home was turned upside down by two little people that landed on our doorstep at
8 o’clock in the evening. It was very
fitting that they should come to us in the middle of storm, as turmoil, fear, uncertainty,
pain, and loss had been the one consistent backdrop in the story of their young
lives. We were so surprised when the social worker
left after being here for just a short time, and the kids were totally fine
with her leaving them with us. . . total strangers. They waved goodbye to her from a distance,
with a smile on their face, as if they experience this every day.
Their social worker had to move them quickly once again, as
the foster home where they had been staying couldn’t handle them anymore, and
wanted them to be moved immediately.
Also, the preschool/daycare where they were attending was forced to have
a 1-1 worker/child situation with W. due to his hard-to-manage behaviors. They had even mentioned the possibility of needing to put at least W. in a therapy home.
We were told that W. had some challenging behaviors . . .
like hitting, throwing things, screaming, yelling, kicking, punching . . . even over the smallest of irritations like
someone saying “no” to him. Of course,
this behavior is understandable when he had witnessed anger toward others in a
violent way (perhaps was also physically abused during outbursts of anger), and
had such an unstable, unstructured, uncertain existence for most of his four
years. We have not been given the
details of his story yet, but we know enough to know that he has had such a
difficult journey, with at least 5 moves that we know of. And the state wanted him
to have counseling for the trauma he had experienced before coming to us.
It was a difficult decision for us to make, even as our hearts
had been willing for a long time to say yes to the Lord to take in more
orphans and minister to these precious souls that desperately need to know the love of Jesus. But the reality of how this case would affect all of our family
weighed in heavy on our minds, as the state was not looking for another temporary placement, but a permanent home. We told
our social worker that we would pray about it overnight, and let them know in
the morning. I don’t know that we ever
really had a peaceful feeling about it, but we knew that God was leading us to
this, and that He would provide all that we needed. We had long ago counted the cost of being a follower and disciple of Jesus. We had said yes to being His ambassadors and vessels of His grace and mercy to the broken world we live in and the hurting people He brings into our lives. We are striving to serve like Jesus and be His hands and feet to the needy. So He brings us two precious souls that have been rejected by so many and were so in need . . . how we could say "NO" now!!!
They told us that W. would need to be watched closely, and that he would need a safe place where he could
go to calm down when things escalated to the point of harming others. So, we made the first bedroom down the hall
his safe place/bedroom. At first when
he needed a time out (which was often), we would have to pick him up and carry
him, all the while he was kicking, punching, yelling, and screaming at us. When we would try to put him in the room, he
would rush back at the door, and a wrestling match would ensue, trying to keep
him in the room while we got out of the room. Once we finally got the door
closed (it is an outward opening door into the hallway) he would kick and punch
and yell at the door, while we held it closed on the other side. We soon got a lock on it, so that we
could walk away, and regroup! : -) It was truly heartbreaking.
W. would then, in another fit of rage, throw everything in
the room onto the floor. It was so sad
to hear him in such a frenzy in there! We
just wanted to be able to quiet him down with love, hugs and a gentle talking to, but
there was no chance for that until after a long while, when he would eventually
calm down. We then could go in and talk
with him, and de-brief the whole situation.
We would talk about his behavior both that led him to a time-out and
while he was in time-out. Then, we would pray with and for him. We also expected him to put everything back
in its place that he had thrown onto the floor before he could come out of the room.
Ted was especially good at this whole process with him, and we were so
thankful that Ted’s request to his work to have 4 weeks of paid ½ days off was granted. (As part of the Family and Medical Leave Act) This was such a tremendous blessing for all
of us, but especially for W. who really needed someone strong but gentle,
without emotion, to speak quietly and lovingly to him in the midst of such a
volatile situation.
This went on for many weeks, and slowly, he began to stop
throwing things on the floor during his time-out; then, he began going willingly
into his time-outs; and finally, after three months, the behaviors that cause
him to have time-outs have also been greatly improving.
Foster parenting is always challenging, with the kids belonging
to the state, and needing to parent them according to the state’s lists of rules
and regulations; and then being monitored regularly to make sure that you are
doing everything correctly. We have
twice a month visits by social workers (one from the state and one from our
licensing/adoption agency), and weekly trips to visit their biological family
members. It feels like we are being
watched closely on every side. Since Ben
and Brielle were infants when they came to us, and had no biological
relationships that were ongoing, parenting W. and G. is a much different learning
and stretching experience!
Now that G. has figured out who we all are to her : -) and is not asking "What's your name? and "Is that mine? over and over and over again, and is potty trained, : -) life seems to be settling into our new normal
very nicely. The Lord has been so good
to us in answering our prayers and helping W. through his anger, and both W. and G. feel safe, secure and loved so that they can trust us and begin to bond with us without worrying about moving again. We thank the Lord for all He has done for us, especially in giving us
the strength and wisdom we’ve needed through the transition.
I want to write this all down, as in the hustle and bustle of the day, I feel like I'm already forgetting how far the Lord has brought us! And I don’t ever want to forget all that He done for us. Those
first 2 months were so very hard
for all of us. Emotionally, I was so
fragile. I had meltdowns easily, and cried
many tears. This of course, greatly affected the whole countenance of our household. My sweet older daughters, who also felt and took on most of the daily stress, would often hug me and say, "We can do this! We're in this together!" Physically, my heart rate
and other various heartbeat irregularities were off the charts, and I thought
this might just be too much for my aging heart . . .in many ways! Our existing family relationships were put to
the test and stretched so thin. I
wondered if we would ever recover from the stress this put on all our
relationships. I felt so weary, and
longed for encouragement. But there are
few who understand what this journey is like, and since most folks just think
we’re crazy, or well on our way, ;-), I felt pretty alone. And I felt like I needed to appear that I had it all together for everyone watching. It was definitely all bringing the worst
out in me (my sin!) which also made me feel terrible! And actually, God was/has been revealing some
big areas of sin in my life, and has been doing some major pruning! Ouch! Though it has gotten much easier, I still have
my meltdown moments . . .like this past Sunday at church when a sweet friend
just asked how I was doing and the tears immediately started flowing! : -)
We all had an especially dark day just four days in to our
difficult transition with W. and G. (and on the morning of my 50th
birthday), when we got the call that our dearly loved one was in a coma after
an attempted suicide. We just felt the weight of our enemy’s evil
schemes all around us to kill, steal and destroy life however he can. Our
hearts were so heavy that day, and we felt so sad and discouraged. It just seemed
like the enemy was winning the day with all the brokenness in the lives of
those around us. But greater is He that
is in us than he that is in the world! He brought our loved one through her near
brush with death that day, and of course, was already in the process of
bringing good out of what the enemy meant for harm in W. and G.’s lives.
So in the midst of it all, I have to admit, I often thought
maybe we had made a mistake . . .maybe the Lord hadn’t called us to this. Maybe
we needed to “rethink our lives” and reconsider what we agreed to! But then my
next thought was . . . how ridiculous,
faulty, selfish, and evil this thinking is!
Of course God has called us to this. He put the desire in our hearts, and
has directed our every step to that life-changing day in October when He
brought us two vulnerable, precious souls. He has not called
us to a life of ease and comfort, doing what pleases us. Loving and serving others takes sacrifice,
and requires surrender of our selfish ways and reliance on the Spirit’s work in
our lives. Without a doubt, placing
orphans in families, and even more so in families that will lead the children
to Him, is at the very heart of our Heavenly Father. It is
our enemy who is placing the reluctance, doubts and fears in my heart! I think often of how our Heavenly Father
loves us so unconditionally and sacrificially, while we were still sinners (and not very loveable),
and I am so thankful for this and really want to love that same way.
I wish I could say that we have always selflessly and sacrificially thought this wasn't about us and what we were going through, but all about the kids and their needs, and rose to the occasion with great spiritual strength. But, in this process and in reality, having our family
change so drastically in an instant has truly been exhausting and overwhelming;
even when that change was something we’ve been wanting and waiting for, and
certain that it is a part of God’s good deeds that He has planned long ago for
us to do. We now see that God had just as much work to do in us than what He was working out in and for the kids. And it has been good, because He is good, and all that He does is good and He loves us all so much! We are so thankful that He is so patient with us and so faithful to complete the work that He has started in us . . .even when it hurts.
We’re constantly being reminded that when God calls you to something,
He is faithful in providing all that is needed. He has graciously carried us through this season for
our good, to grow us, to build our faith and to show us more of Himself that
perhaps we wouldn’t have seen any other way.
Oh, and to bless us!!! : -)
Children ARE a BLESSING, no matter what!
And, of course, He loves W. and G. soooooooo much, that He did not leave them
as orphans. He has placed them in a
forever family that will love them always, no matter what, and lead them to Jesus! I can’t wait to see more of the
good plans God has for W. and G.!!!
These three months of being a shelter in the storm for W.
and G. have shown us many things, but one of the biggest lessons by far is just
how faithful our “Strong Tower” is for His children! We pray that we will continue to preserve in
the Lord’s strength in loving, nurturing and protecting our two new treasures
that He has given us, just as our
Heavenly Father does for us!
Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their
children it will be a refuge.
Proverbs 14:26
